Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize