my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
