now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
