; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
