Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
