just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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