So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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