I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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