The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
