Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
