I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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