She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
