I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize