i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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