id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
