How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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