You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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