I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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