I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
