are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
