So drunk its hurt
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think I sprained my soul last night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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