Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize