my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
