why didn't you poke me back
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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