I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
