i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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