Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
