mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
