My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
