I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
