he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
