you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
