so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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