Apparently you make a good broom.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
