He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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