Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Boobs are out for the taking
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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