I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
