I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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