I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
