Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sober January is a disaster.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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