We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
