Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
