I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize