You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
