i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
