so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We need to rekindle our bromance
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
