We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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