Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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