the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
