you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize