Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
