I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
