thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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