My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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