OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
too bad you live with your parents still
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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