i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
