the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
