Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
