You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
