Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
