Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
