Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize