the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
