Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
