Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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