Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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