Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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