I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
